uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize