I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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