My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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