I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dick has a subreddit
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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