he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
