id be glad to
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
