I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
