Don't you send me to vm
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
