This girl is more easily done than said...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
