Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
