You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
