I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
