You can't special order awesome
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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