Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
accomplished twins. life is a go
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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