i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
