I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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