apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
