I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
