I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
