it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
