The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize