I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Less talking, more tequila
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
