you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
