maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
