Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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