What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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