hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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