i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
