Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
