i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone signed my nipple.
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