I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
