We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize