Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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