Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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