this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
