oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
