my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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