You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
