Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
