Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
