Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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