He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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