Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm really busy with my period
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