I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
