I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
