You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
