It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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