Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
