when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your cock deserves a montage
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
