The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
