I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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