so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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