Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
