I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
