I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
