Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
