I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
