this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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