Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
