U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
