i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
