My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
