Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
