Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
