wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
