Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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