You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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