Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's get the cat blown out
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