who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
