Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
