it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We are two peas in an std pod
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
