Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
