I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
