mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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