I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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