Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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