ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
