I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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