i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
