Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
