So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
